The Good Life

My life is great! I graduated high school with a group of friends who all had dreams. Some dreamed of making it on Broadway or in Hollywood. Some wanted to become great business men and women. Some desired to just be married and start a family. I wanted to be in ministry and living in another country. Now, about 3 years later, I am living in Peru, serving the Lord while studying the Bible. It's beautiful. Many of my friends from high school are still working towards their goals, but more have gotten further and further away. Some have changed their mind, or given up. I feel blessed that God has shown me His will for my life at such a young age.
I often get discouraged when I look into the future, and I try to figure it out. When I was a young girl in high school, I was terribly confused when it seemed like I was moving further from becoming a missionary because I had an idea of how I would make that happen. But God did things His way, and so far this life is much better than I could have made it on my own.
Last week, I was able to spend some time in San Bartolo in a beautiful ocean side resort. Each day, several times, I found myself in wonder, praising God for the opportunity to be somewhere I could never have imagined. And as I look back on my life, I realize that there are so many blessings that I would have missed out on if God had let me do everything my way.
Recently, I have been looking at my options for further education after Bible College. I realize that if I pursue the path I feel God is directing me in, I will have at least three more years of schooling ahead of me. And I may have to go to a school other than the one I would choice for myself. These, among other factors, scare me. I pray, God, don't you want me to serve you? Don't you want me in ministry? Haven't you called me to this place? Don't you have these plans for my life? And the truth is, God answers all these questions with a resounding, Yes! But we are gonna do things My way. Not yours.
I have walked with God long enough to know that I can trust Him. I need to rest in His faithfulness and trust in His promises. Sometimes that is hard. Sometimes, I don't see how I can afford to do things His way, but the truth is I can't afford to do things my way. God knows everything, including the future, and His way is always the best way. His plans never fail. So, right now as I am making plans for my summer here, and for my future, I will keep my eyes on Christ as He leads me in His ways.
I challenge you to seek God while you make plans. His plans may seem crazy, less direct, or costly, but they are always best. They come from the mind of an infinite God who loves you and wants you to prosper.

Another one bites the dust

YAY!!! I have finished another class. This semester has been a lot more work academically. But God has used it in mighty ways. Last weekend I could hardly see how I would finish this class, but by the grace of God I have. And the best part is I am leaving tomorrow for a class on the beach. That's right! The English students are headed for a few days on the beach with Pastor Brian Newberry from CC San Diego. It looks promising!
I am excited to see what God has in store for me this week. I know that there is so much I still need to learn before I will be the woman I can be, but thank God He uses imperfect people to do His work now.
I went to a great vow renewal ceremony tonight for CC Lima's pastor, John Bonner, and his wife Pilar. They have blessed all of us here by being willing servants and starting a Bible college and a church ten years ago. And tonight they celebrated 25 years of marriage. It was a great time.
My prayer is that I will one day have a marriage that lasts that long and is still centered on God. It's funny. Girls are the same around the world. My good friend Shirley, who is Peruvian, also dreams of a beautiful wedding and an even more beautiful wedding. That is one of my greatest desires. I know God will bless it if I am faithful to obey Him and wait for the right man.
Have a great week, my friends. I sure plan to. See you at the beach! Or not. ;)

Is it worth it?

So, I came home from Iquitos, and updated my blog. About half way through writing my post for last week, I got some unexpected news. And since then, my week has been one thing after another. I wish that all my posts could be about my happy life, and what fun I am having in Lima, but this one is not. Let me say, before I go any further, that I am so full of God's joy and peace that I could explode. But I am also a human with emotions, and I have had the hardest week I can remember this week. I have cried too often and hard to count. I have considered changing my life direction. I have felt lost and abandoned. I have wanted to lash out at anyone who was giving me unwanted (although well meant) words of "encouragement". But more than any of this, I have gone to me knees more this week than in a long time. Many times asking God and myself, "Is it worth it?"
I found out this week that one of my closest friends, a girl I've known since I was in Jr. High, who I have known through all the ups and downs of teenage life, with whom I have celebrated the most joyous occasions, and gone through some of the toughest trials, is losing an eye to cancer. And ,this time, I can't be there.
On top of that, another dear friend is moving and expecting her first baby this month. My brother is awaiting news about a possible promotion and move. My sisters are both changing their majors. My parents have decided to move, and told me I will lose yet another cat while I am away.
If you have been praying for me. Thank you. I believe your prayers are what God has used to sustain me this week. If you haven't, please do. Because I am living on prayer right now.
I wanted to share this with you not to make you feel sorry for me. Not even to manipulate prayers or kind words. But to show you what God has been teaching me through the pain of this week.
What was once my life changed in a very short time in my absence, which led me to realize that it has not been my life in quite awhile. If it was my life, it could not have changed a week before I found out. Right now my life is here. And it will be here for awhile.
I would love to be at "home" with all of you, but my life is here, and as long I am here, I will rejoice in the work God has for me here. I don't know how long I will be in the States after I graduate from CCBC, but I do know that God has called me to be a missionary, and I will likely spend a large chunk of my life away from the USA.
This is something I had to commit to last week in Iquitos. I told God that I am willing to go wherever He sends me. No matter what. This week, He just asked me to stay in Lima and be here, completely. I learned what "No matter what" really means.
Don't misunderstand. I love Lima. I love the city and the people. I love my roommate and my friends. I love the school and the church. I love the ministries. I love what God is doing in me. In fact, I rarely miss anyone or anything from the States while I am here. But I also love Surprise, Arizona and Sacramento, California. The people in those places have not been replaced in my heart by the people here. And when my family and friends back home are hurting, I hurt because I want to comfort them.
The hardest part was thinking about all the times I may miss in the future. I have made a life long commitment to serve my God wherever He sends me. My niece asked if I would be home soon, and I had to say "No." She asked if I was leaving again after I come back. And I again she received an answer that she didn't want to hear. I am going to miss a lot of her life, more likely than not. And that's a hard pill to swallow. But it is nothing compared to living the life God has for me.
And so, God is teaching me about the sacrifice that I have made. He is testing my ability to carry the cross I chose. He is asking me, "Are you going to serve me? Really? No matter what?"
And after what has been a hard week, full of struggle and tempting, fear and defeat, but ultimately victory, my answer is a weak, "Yes, Lord. I am going to serve You."
I am not strong enough to do this on my own, but God is strong enough to do this through me. He has been my strength this week and He will be in the times to come.
I would much rather go through a life time of missing my family and friends than experience a week with them that was not in the will of God. It's worth it.

Jungle Woman

Ok, so I spent the last week in Iquitos, which is a city in the jungle of Peru, along the Amazon River. It was amazing. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I forgot my camera, and am now hanging my head in shame that I could not begin to describe to you what my week was like. Besides which, I am almost certain you do not have enough time to hear the thousands of words it would take, but I will try to give you a little piece anyway, and I will post pictures on Facebook, once I get some from my friends.
Our team left a little over a week ago, at 3 in the morning Saturday. We arrived in Iquitos, and rested a little, then the adventure began. We went to a place called Belen. It is a community of floating houses built in the shallow and slow parts of the river. The people row between houses on canoes. No joke. It's like Venice, but super poor.
The houses shook as we sang songs and did skits with the kids. They colored pictures of the good Samaritan, and spoke to us in their beautiful accents. I think we all lost part of our heart to the children of Iquitos.
The market is always a source of sadness for me, as I choke back tears and vomit that threaten to come out. I wish I could explain it to you in a way that could give you an accurate picture. You walk between medicine men, beautiful produce, rotting meat, starving dogs, scantily clad women, tasty jungle treats, and piles of garbage and animal feces. To the people here this is normal, but OCEA would throw a fit! I am sometimes angry with myself for my apprehension and disgust, and sometimes sad for them to have no other choice but this. One more result of a world under the curse of sin.
We also went on two boat trips during the week to jungle communities that are built just a little ways off the river. I felt like I was in a movie. It was unreal to see the animals and plants and the way of life of these people. Awesome. There was one bridge that was only a couple feet off the ground, but it was a real trip. The water was just a small stream beneath us, but we were told the bridge was necessary protection from snakes. We were able to swim in the jungle there, and it was a blast to minister to the people there through dramas, worship songs, teaching and children's ministry. I would love to go back some time.
Yesterday, we went to a zoo and swam in another part of the river closer to the city. We got to hold a baby anaconda and talk to some parrots. Then we flew home to Lima. A great end to a great week.
I think our whole team of ten Americans, one Peruvian, and one Colombian learned lessons we will never forget. God is really working in my heart to show me that I can do anything through His strength and nothing without it. I have known for a long time that I am called to be a missionary, but until this week I would not believe that I would be able to live in the jungle. Even still, I don't prefer the jungle to the city, but I definitely believe that I would joyfully serve my Lord if He called me there.
My prayer is for all the people I met this week, and that we shared with, that they would see the Lord who gives us strength. I pray that they would turn to Him for salvation that only comes through Him. I pray for all my friends and family back in Arizona that you would be open to whatever life God is calling you to. That you would allow Him to stretch your comfort zone and show you a life that you didn't think you could live. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
I miss you all a little more today, and may prayers and blessings are with you. Please don't forget all the people dying in the desert of Arizona and the valleys of California while you pray for the jungle surrounding Iquitos and the beaches of Lima.