Sunday, October 25, 2009

La Pan de Vida

I am sure that it is not a big deal in the eyes of most that I am "late" posting to my blog, but I am going a little crazy right now in my attempt to update all of you before 11pm Peru time. I have had a mostly normal week with a few curve balls. But this week was actually the most relaxing week so far. And it shouldn't have been, really, but God has given me such an overwhelming peace about life, so I know I can rest in Him.
Monday, we started Daniel class, which is muy chebere. (Let me apologize now for random Spanish which has begun to sneak into my everyday speech. I take t as a good sign.) I am learning a lot about the character of Daniel, but also of God especially in the way He works in the life of sinners. I am fascinated by the story of Nebuchadnezzar, and I am fairly certain I will meet him in that great day and understand so much more of his God-inspired story.
We leave a week from tomorrow for our mission trips and I am fairly certain my destination is Cuzco! Exciting. Hopefully I will get to see some awesome ruins while serving the new church plant there!
I thought I would share with all of you that I have slept through 3 meals this week. This makes perfect sense to anyone who knows me well or has seen me before 9:00am. As much as I love food, and I have accepted this fact since being here (especialmente la comida de Juanita, esta muy buena) I love sleep even more! I am learning to not be lazy or sluggish, but I know God understands the basic appreciation I get in fulfilling my natural human need for sleep. And I also don't really do mornings, but I have been. But I CANNOT wake up on my own. So, last Sunday, I slept until it was just about time to leave for church! I hurried and rushed and scurried and every other word that would apply, I did. I don't know that I focused much that morning, but I truly appreciated lunch that afternoon.
Then, the next day, I woke up, and like every weekday, I laid in bed waiting for someone to yell, "Diesiuna esta listo!" Pero, no! I heard it not. I fell back to sleep and woke up 30 min after breakfast and just 45 min before I needed to be in Devo's.
Today, I made it to breakfast, ate 2 bowels of the way-too-sweet cereal that is served here on Sunday (and now Saturday) mornings. Then, I had a sandwich at church and enjoyed Chifa (mi favorita) for lunch. After lunch cleanup, I fell asleep. I woke up when dinner was over and had no time to eat before church. So, I went to Metro (which is like a big grocery store... kinda like Fry's) and bought some panes and an ice cream bar. (A typical Rachael meal back home.) :)
There is a song one of the Spanish students wrote that we sing here a lot. I love it. Here is part of it:
Jesus, mi luz
Jesus, mi amor.
Eres el Pan de Vida
y la esparanza de mis dias.
Translated:
Jesus, my light
Jesus, my love
You are the Bread of Life
And the Hope for my days.
I really wanted to share this with you to show how much I have been encouraged this week that God is my provider. He will supply all I need. All the money I need for school and for missions. All the nourishment I need when I miss a meal. All the rest I need when I wake up early and don't get coffee. He is it. He is everything.
This knowledge encourages me to follow the path laid out for me, no matter how difficult, because I know He has taken care of all the needs that I have.
Isaiah 64:4 dice: "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him."
If we wait on God, He will act on our behalf, just as He acted on behalf of Daniel and his friends while they were in captivity. Just as he acted on behalf of Nebuchadnezzar when he repented. Just as He acted on behalf of Stephen who saw heaven open up at the point of his greatest persecution. Just as He acted on behalf of every person who has ever turned to Him and received a Spirit of sonship. We now have the right to call Him, "Abba" which translated means, not "Father", although that is an appropriate name for God, but "Daddy" as a child in need, and in love with the one who provides for us. That is our God!
So, I have no challenge this week, just encouragement. I ask that you pray for my Spanish... It is getting better, but I am nervous about the trip next week. Thank you all for your continuous love and prayers. They mean more than I could explain in any language.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

God is Bigger than Financial Aid

I happen to know that many people read this blog on a weekly basis, and for this reason, I am consistently searching my journal and my Bible to find something significant to share with you. And, being that I was at a Women's Retreat the past two days, I would have expected to have something to share. But I have come up short of what I would normally consider blog-worthy material. I am sure many of you are shocked that I consider what I write before randomly vomiting words from my brain through my fingers to the screen, but I do. It is actually very important to me, and I consider it the one ministry I have to give back to those of you who have supported me so much. And today, I sit here writing about the fact that I have nothing to write about, but that was true, until I admitted to myself that I know exactly what to write about.
I know that there is only one thought that has filled my mind and my journal for most of my time since I last blogged. (Is that really a verb, now?)
That thought this: Where is the money going to come from? You see, though I know God will provide for whatever He calls me to, I find myself still lost in my flesh of worrying. At times, I feel certain that I must in some way help God out. What foolishness, I know. I am sure Paul was speaking directly to me when he wrote Galatians 3:3, he would call me foolish if he knew me, I'm sure. But I am admitting this to you now. I lack faith in this. I wish I could tell you that was completely at peace with this, but I am not. In this moment, I struggle with myself to rip my worries away from the old Rachael and hand them to my Heavenly Father. Indeed, Thursday, I was jumping with joy at the reassurance of God's desire to use me and my part in that, and last night, I was relaxing in the peace of His goodness (the theme of our retreat). But this is a daily struggle. I am constantly faced with the reality of a life without a paying job. But a life that God has called me to. And I cannot see past the moments where the money is gone.
I feel fairly convinced that this is my first glimpse into missionary life. As I go farther, there will probably be times where there is not even money to get me home, or to pay for the next meal. I so easily stumble in to thoughts of what could have been my future if I just transferred to ASU instead of coming here. Fortunately, I have learned so much already, and I would not exchange it for all the money in the world. And as much as I love the life God has given me and the future He has promised me, I am terrified of it. This a daily walk I have with my God, and I know He is big enough, but sometimes, I lose sight of that.
My prayer is that God would give me clarity of mind so that my fears and worries do not prevent me from making wise decisions about where to God next, and that I will hear His voice when He speaks to me.
I understand that I will play a part in fundraising, which I dread. My pride hates when I admit that I need help. And I know how it feels to be asked for money. I don't want to do it, but unfortunately, it is something most missionaries have to do.
Coupling this hatred of fundraising with my uncertain financial situation, next summer, and next school year seem completely hopeless. But that is why I am so happy that my Hope is not in this world. My hope is not in my own plans for the future. Or the money it will take for my dreams to be accomplished. My Hope is Christ. And I can do anything through the strength I have in Him.
The same is true for you. I know that the economic situation is getting worse for you. I am losing money every day that I don't exchange as I watch the dollar drop before my eyes, and I know that you are living in the home of that dollar. I am praying for so many friends and family members of myself and other students who are looking for work. And I wish I could be at home to work myself and support my parents instead of getting so much from them.
Here is my Scripture for you that I read this week. Proverbs 30:7-9 "Two things I ask of You, Oh LORD; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown You and say, 'Who is the LORD?' Or I may become poor and steal and so dishonor the name of God." I hope that I can say those words and mean it for as long as I live.
My challenge to you is the same that I face: trust that your God is big enough. He has endless resources, and He holds back no good thing. He will take care of you (and I am preaching to myself here) and He loves you.
Psalm 63:3 "Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You."
Please pray for me, as I begin planning for next semester. I have some tough decisions to make about how long I will be staying, and new visa laws are causing me to consider applying for residency. All the students here are making similar decisions. Some are still not sure if they are returning to Peru, or even if they will be headed home for Christmas.
1 Samuel 12:23 "As fro me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right."
Until next week, Adios.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Happy Birthday Sky-Bear


Hola mis amigos y amigas de Blogger y Facebook. Hoy es de tiempo para yo escribo ustedes. Estoy muy feliz hoy porque yo puedo ver el sol y el cielo azul. :)




Ok, that was just proof that I am learning to speak some Spanish. I have made not of several verses I wanted to share with you this week, and I will share some with you, but this weekend I am particularly aware of the fragility of life.


One year ago yesterday, I was headed to a Women's Retreat with the ladies for my church and I was very distracted because my brother's wife, my dear Stephani, was in labor. The baby was coming several weeks early to his detriment. And she was ill with a rare liver condition. An emergency C-Section was performed that evening, and the baby was immediately placed in the NICU. I was a few hours drive away and feeling like I might as well be on the other side of the world. I felt helpless. I felt torn. I didn't understand why that weekend had to be the weekend that my family would go through such a time of uncertainty and I would have to miss the birth of my nephew, Skyler.




There is more to the story of how God used that weekend to get me here. But the most important thing, the reason I am sharing this with you, is that God taught me that I must depend only on Him. I must learn that I am never in more control of a situation just because I am closer to it physically. I need to learn to leave my struggles with Him, the Only Capable One. After teaching me this lesson, God blessed me with allowing me to see my nephew that Sunday and be the first person other than his parents and the hospital staff to hold him. I held his little hand as he was in the NICU tent and wondered at the beautiful, fragile life God had allowed me to be part of. At that time, I couldn't see a moment into his future. I couldn't imagine him breathing on his own, or sitting up, or laughing, or talking, crawling, learning to walk. He was so tiny. So helpless. He needed help even to breath. And then, he needed help learning to breath. And then, he needed his parents to feed him, and to watch his breathing.





And now, a year later, Skyler is huge! He is learning to walk and talk. He is silly, with a stubborn streak and a smile that will steal your heart. His laugh is loud and strong, and he needs no help downing a cup of whip cream from Starbucks or a chocolate cupcake (which are two of his favorite treats). He recognizes people by their face and their voice. He loves to play with his kitten, and he hates to see people leave. He is a person now, and he is growing so fast. And sometimes I feel like I am missing so much of it. But I know that just like the day he first left the safety of his mother's womb, God is there. God is helping him breath. God is watching over him, teaching him, and protecting him. Nothing will ever reach any of us that God is not aware of.


So why did God make our lives so fragile? I believe it was purely to drive us to the conclusion that we need God. And we all have this same need for God. Just as my little Sky-Bear needed help to breath his first couple weeks, we all need help breathing every breath. And every life is just as fragile. And so many fragile lives are being lived in the absence of the protection of God. He is perfectly aware of their need, and He is offering His help, but they must accept it. Some people can't hear Him calling, and we need to amplify His voice in their lives. That's the great commission. Us allowing people to come face to face with their own fragility.


When I was preparing to leave, I spent a lot of time with my niece, who happens to be my best friend. She asked me why I had to go to school far away, why I couldn't just go to school with my sister in state. (She's a very smart 3-year-old.) I told her I had to go because God told me to. Then she thought on this for a moment before responding, "But I want you to stay here and play with me." I told her that God wants me to do a lot of things, and one of them is to love her and play with her and tell her about Jesus, but there are a lot of kids who don't know about Jesus, and they don't have anyone to tell them, and that is why I am here. Anytime I get homesick, I remind myself of that conversation. I am here because so many kids don't know about Jesus, and I have a responsibility to fulfill the calling God has placed in my life and reach the kids He has given to me. Because they, also, need His help to breath.


And so I want to share this verse with you: "Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest-- I would flee far away and stay in the desert!" Psalm 55:6-7


And this passage: "I became a servant of the gospel by the gift of God's grace given me through the working of His power. ... I ask you, therefore, not to discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory." Ephesians 3:7, 13


I also want to aske you to pray for my grandma whose health is failing, any for my dad and my family because we would like to visit her if possible.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Speaker's Week

Not a very exciting title this week, sorry. But this is all I think could appropriately define this week. Indeed, it was Speaker's Week, and the Speaker was Dan Edwards. It was an awesome class called "Principles of Ministry", and it was just what I needed.
Last Sunday ended with another awesome bilingual service, and plenty of sleep. Then, Monday, class started. I learned so much that I wish I could share with you, but that's just not practical. Friday, the class ended, and yesterday Dan and his wife flew back to CA. But the good news is that they are returning in January, and Dan will be a regular teacher at the Bible College. :)
Now, I would like to share with you the two most valuable things that I learned this week. One is definitely more "spiritual" than the other, but they both help me in my walk with Christ and have caused a lot of thinking this week.
First of all, I am completely, 100% positive that I am called to do drama ministry with young Christian actors, and I learned that my overwhelming desire is good. I have an unquenchable need to be active in planning, dreaming and otherwise preparing for this ministry. And it is sometimes difficult to appreciate the time I have here to learn because I desire so desperately to be doing this great thing that God has placed upon my heart. I can see how God has called me and confirmed that call in my life. I can see how He has carefully prepared me throughout my life for this. Also, we took a spiritual gifts test for class, and it said I have the gift of teaching... And another gift that I think was a fluke, but that's ok, I will believe this teacher thing. I find that makes sense to me.
Secondly, I learned that there are many kinds of adventures. And while I love the run-onstage-and-do-something-silly kind, and rather enjoy the fly-to-another-country-where-you-don't-speak-the-language kind, I am not at all fond of the walk-around-the-city-aimlessly-for-2-hours-without-a-destination kind. I really hate to do stuff that is not planned. I have gotten much better at dealing with changes in plans and even last minute plans, but no plans at all doesn't jive with my personality. Unfortunately that was lost to me when I decided to go for a walk on Thursday. I don't know what I was thinking. Matt, who happens to be a great leader, decided that we were going on an adventure, and I wanted to get off campus, so I agreed to go. I didn't realize at the time that this meant that he had no idea where he was leading us or that we would spend a majority of the night walking on seemingly endless cement roads.
I had slept quite a lot the night before and had a lot of pent up energy, so I was pretty bored at the leisurely pace of my 7 traveling companions who must have known better than I that we would need that energy in a couple hours. We stopped at a total of four public restrooms, a park, a museum, and a bookstore. There was some tree climbing and dog feeding that occurred, and I even rolled down a hill. By the end, I had enjoyed myself some, but I had also come to the conclusion that I am not adventurous by Matt's standard. And pretty much everyone else was loving it, and sick of my questions and complaints.
Please pray for me this week. I need prayer in two areas. One: My Spanish! And the second is that I would have the right words to say to some friends of mine. There are several people that have contacted me since I started Bible College who do not understand what is the most important thing I have ever known, and I want to be sensitive in sharing with them about my Lord. Thank you all for your love and support. Your prayers are so precious to me. I don't have a challenge this week, so think of one and post it as a comment for me. :)