There's a particular tunnel in PHX that goes on for quite awhile. It's downtown on the 10 between 7th and 7th, and as your reading this, if you have traveled in this tunnel you likely will not need any of my authorly help in picturing it in your mind. It is long, and dark, lighted with those small round lights that seem mostly to remind you of how dark it is. As a teenager, I went on a few field trips that took us on buses through this large tunnel. And, as the superstitious theatre enthusiasts they are, my friends tried their hardest to practice their breath control by holding their breath the entire way.
I usually just laughed at them, enjoying the extra oxygen for the few long minutes while they looked near expiration.
(There are other tunnels that I have been through that are similar, so I have no doubt that if you are reading this in another part of the world, you can relate to my local tunnel. I can think of one along my family's usual route from Sacto to Frisco.)
As I travel through tunnels, whether or not I am holding my breath, I find there is some great relief in the moment when the light at the end engulfs me and I re-enter the world outside. It is that same feeling of tunnel-escaping relief that overcame me on my 23rd birthday.
As most even shortly acquainted with me know, over a year ago, I returned from my excursion to Peru, full of hope and anticipation for what was next in my life. This was followed by a roller coaster of depression and frustration as I waited for some kind of direction to be revealed. I don't know if I expected lightening to strike, or to go to the mailbox and receive a missive written on stone tablets, but I didn't expect to be on my 6th semester of Bible College with a trail of part-time jobs in my wake as I stared at my still undecided, not-so-distant future.
During this period of my life, I have been faced with other various trials, and difficulties. I moved 3 times. I have said goodbye to some very special women who filled my childhood with fond memories and taught me the importance of family. And I watched as those close to me grieved for even more loss.
I have seen betrayal and insensitivity strike the lives of my church family. I have watched as others close to me have struggled with illness and financial hardship.
I was going through a long, dark tunnel, and I couldn't even see the end.
I found myself growing envious of joy experienced by those around me. Even those who I thought I loved more than myself. I found myself thinking, How can they be so happy while my family is suffering? and Why does all this have to happen, now, to me? Why am I going through all this?
But guess what... I was wrong think that way. I couldn't see the end of the tunnel because I was looking in the wrong direction. I was so consumed with my lap, the little lights, and the entrance to to the tunnel, that I couldn't see the end.
Well, I am starting to emerge from that tunnel now, but there was something I think I needed to learn.
It was not strange that I had a rough year, though it was perhaps the roughest I've known. God warned me that I would face "Trials of all kinds." But I was selfish and self-righteous in my struggling, thinking I was the only one, and that I, somehow, was worthy of a better life.
I forgot that I should see it as an honor to be counted worthy to share in Christ's sufferings.
I hope that you understand that I am not sharing this with you so that you will feel bad for my hardships, because in the light outside the tunnel, I have realized they are no worse than most of yours. In fact, I almost didn't want to share this message that God put on my heart because I realize how petty and self-important I sound.
The point is this, if you are suffering, praise God because He is with you. He is faithful. And He will use this suffering, yes, even this for your good and His glory.
See the tunnel for what it is, and look forward to its end. Don't become obsessed with the lights or the other cars. Don't focus on what was left behind, outside the tunnel's entrance. Just know you will come out with greater patience and experience that will help you minister to others, if you are willing to submit the whole thing to God. And, who knows, maybe you can expand your lungs in the process.
