Heart Guard on Trial

There's something that has been on my mind a lot lately, and I wanted to share it. It is something God is really using to draw me closer to Him in a way I never expected.

Awhile ago, something very strange happened to me. All my friends started getting married. I recently took a look around and realized that all of my closest friends are married. Sometimes this is frustrating. Sometimes, although all my friends are great about including me, and they often try to plan group activities with other single friends, I feel like an outsider. I feel like there is a whole part of life that I just don't understand.

(The funny part is that I am still so young. And a big chunk of these friends are the same age. But that is not the point... So, I won't dwell on that.)

In the midst of this frustration and some self-doubt, God brought some words of encouragement to me in the form of a book: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris. If you think that I am took passive in my "love life", read this book, and it might help you understand my point of view. In the book, Harris shares his view of romance, which is very similar to mine. A few years ago, I read When God Writes Your Love Story, by Eric and Leslie Ludy, which expressed many of the same ideas.

What I love about these books most is that they showed me that I am not some freak for believing the way I do about relationships. Although I did gain insight from these authors, many of the convictions they shared in these books were ones I had already claimed as my own before cracking the binding.

I am not going to date. Period. I am going to be careful about how close I get with my male friends. I am not going to flirt, and swoon, and dress to impress just to get a guys attention. I will not be set up. I will not allow my friends, as much as I love them, to convince me that I am a freak because I am not looking for a boyfriend. I don't expect everyone to agree, or even to understand.

I look forward to being married as much as the next girl. I have imagined what it will be like to fall in love with a wonderful man who loves me. I have dreamed of the proposal, engagement and wedding, several times over. And I really do hope it happens sooner rather than later.

However, I am committed to letting God be in control of every aspect of that relationship, including the timing. I am certain that He has already written my love story, and He has given me all the patience and strength I need to live it out. I don't think God wants or needs anything from me except obedience. So, until I meet a man who I believe could be "the one", a man who shares my convictions, meets my standards and puts God first, I will be enjoying the blessing of being single.

The thing I get asked the most when discussing this topic is, "How are you going to meet that guy if you aren't putting yourself out there?"

To be honest, I don't know exactly how I will meet him. But I do know that God will bring him into my life. I am actively waiting for him. But I can almost guarantee that I haven't met him yet.

Another FAQ is, "How will you get to know him if you don't date?" Well, I will get to know him as a friend, around other people. Then, if both of us feel that God is bringing us together, the relationship will become romantic in nature. I would at that point consider going out on dates alone with him, within set boundaries.

Yes, my views are radical. No, it will not be easy. But I am convinced that it will be worth it.

I do not share this to say i have it all figured out, or even to say that God will only honor relationships/couples who follow this pattern. I merely wish to share what God has shown me, and to encourage anyone who is in the same situation.

If you are looking for a challenge, here it is: find a friend who is struggling to follow through with something God has convicted them of. Encourage them to keep faith. If you don't agree with that conviction, that's okay. Try to be understanding instead of mocking or condemning them. Edification is key among believers.

An Elephant Never Forgets

Let me start my saying that I do realize that I am very young. I have yet to experience a moment in which I felt "old". But I do realize, that as we age, we develop qualities that are rather unappealing to us. One such quality is forgetfulness. This is often the cause of many jokes.

My father is very forgetful. He can't remember what you said to him yesterday or what he is supposed to do today. We blame his age for this.

My 5-year-old niece, on the other hand, has the memory of an elephant. Not only can she remember her weekly word list or her memory verse, but she also can remember what her cousin was wearing to her 3rd birthday, or that last year you promised to take her to the zoo next time you were in town. It is dangerous to try to get her to forget by promising to speak of it later or to tell her that something will happen at a certain time or under certain conditions because she will likely remember what you said better than you do.

Memory is a funny thing. The more we use it, the more we can use it. The more you practice memorization, the easier it is to memorize. So why is it, that I can memorize whole plays and quote movies and songs, but so little of God's Word is hidden in my heart?
My only honest answer is that I spend more time with the words of the world than with the Living Word. Sure, I have more verses memorized than a lot of my friends, but that is because I learned them as a young child. In recent years, I have spent little effort on memorizing Scripture, despite my practices in memorization.
I am going to challenge myself to memorize some verses, and to start, I would like you each to share a verse with me that you plan to memorize. Are you up for the challenge?

Here's my first verse:

"As for God, His way is blameless; The word of the LORD is tried; He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him." - (Psa 18:30 NASB)

Spit on

Have you ever been spit on? Or slapped in the face? Or intentionally humiliated by another person? I remember one time when that happened to me. I was in seventh grade, and the one thing I wanted in life at the time was to make friends. There was a pretty popular girl at my school, and I didn't really know her, but she felt it was her duty to humiliate girls like me.

I was the type of girl who didn't really fit in. You know, acne, frizzy hair, glasses, cheap clothes, no sense of style, lanky, awkward, nerdy, walking around with a book. I was basically a target for bullying. And, on top of that, I was a sensitive, puberty stricken, 13-year-old who just wanted to be liked by the people who teased her.

Well, one day, it rained, so I wore the only jacket I owned: a snow jacket. It was big and puffy, white, and a little short in the sleeves. It had a blue fleece lining in the snap off hood. The jacket was obviously not as stylish as those of the other girls, and so, Miss Popularity decided to make it the object of a prank. At lunch time, she took a cup of peaches and poured it into the hood of my jacket. All my friends watched as she did it. No one said a word until we we done eating and headed out of the cafeteria. At that point, one of my friends stopped me just as I reached for my hood and told me what had the whole school laughing.

That was a serious low point in my life. At the time, I hated that girl. She had done something I found unthinkable, and honestly, evil. She had hurt me when I had never done anything to her.

But this week, I realized something about myself. I am no better than that girl. In some ways, I am worse. Praise God, I have never intentionally humiliated anyone, or targeted someone in order to bully them. But I have done much worse.

In my heart, and in the quiet leisurely hours of my life, I have rejected the One who only wants to be my friend. I have denied my Savior the love and honor He deserves in areas of my life. I have, in a way, spit on the face of the Man who died out of pure love for me. How easily, like Peter, I reject Him when it is convenient. How quickly, like David, I fall from a point of glory to one of shame.

It brought me to my knees in humble repentance, where I met the open arms of my Savior.

In light of all this, I come to a new revelation of the extent of God's love and grace. And in that, I experience a greater ability through Christ to love others.

A challenge now is posed to you, my dear reader. Search your heart and let God reveal to you a secret shame hidden there. Repent of that sin, and let God pour out His grace on you. Be ready for miracle. Be in awe. And then pass it on to those around you. Love them as you have been loved.