Ok, so I've been thinking and pondering about what I should include in this blog. I hope you all can understand my ramblings; lately, I have started to feel that sometimes, when I talk, I come across like a cross between an extremist and a lunatic. And, perhaps, I am somewhere in between normal and crazy, but I promise, there is some validity and logic behind my speech... most of the time.
My last two posts have been about my college group, and let me just say thank you for all who have been praying. We, also, have had regular prayer meetings, which have lent great encouragement and growth to this young body of believers. Please continue to pray for us as we seek individual and communal direction.
Over my last two years in this adventure known as college life, I have been consistently forced to examine myself. I examine my attitude, relationships, lifestyle, diet, homework habits, everything constantly and for various reasons and with various scrutiny. Lately, God has been gently pushing me to look deeper.
It started, I'm pretty sure, when I finally sent in my application for Bible College. I had still been thinking, "God, I know you have called me to ministry, and I can't wait to learn more at school next year so I can finally answer that call."
God stopped me. And very lovingly, He inspired me to remember what I already knew about the life of a Christian: No matter where we are "called" in the future, ministry begins where we are. Here and now. So I prayed a dangerous prayer: "Lord," I said, in fear, but full of faith, "show Yourself to me, and use me in my here and now. Please do whatever you need to do to me to make me the woman you have called me to be. I am not worthy of this calling, but I know you can work beyond my weakness. I am your servant."
I caution you, if you are thinking about praying a prayer such as this, you will never regret it, but it will change your life.
God answered this prayer.
For a while, God had been challenging me to let go of this world and the things that have attached me to it. I had felt a conviction to give up something many of us worship: my TV time.*
It started when He began to gently call me to His side. When we did speak, the conversation went a little like this.
"Rachael,"(yes, when I pray, I know God calls me by name, and no, it's not audible) "Rachael, why don't you stay with Me a little longer. I have so much more to show you about Myself and where you need to be as My child."
"But God," (I'm sure you can hear the inner 7-year old as I whine to my Heavenly Father) "I've already spent hours at school, and at work, and doing homework, and working on ministry, and spending time encouraging Your children. All of these things You have asked of me. All of them, I have done for You."
And sometimes, God was quiet, allowing me to think, in my own ignorance, that I had somehow fulfilled an obligation by my service. And that this somehow meant that I could spend my time how I wished as long as I was upholding my commitments.
However, recently, I was reminded of a great truth. God cannot be repaid. No matter what I do, I can never fulfill any obligation or debt I owe Him. He paid my debt in full, and I accepted His life in exchange for my own.
The problem is, I have been trying to live my life as if it was my own. God had so much for me that I had been missing because I chose to do some things on my own.
Upon the realization of this fact, I claimed a new, set-apart life. And I have become more aware that my life, my time and my energy are not my own. "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. This life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me." (Gal. 2:20 NIV)
Through a sometimes painful process, God has begun to shape me into a woman He can use. This has been battle between flesh and spirit, and often, I allow flesh to win. This has meant a lot of changes for me, the least of which is a indefinite fast from my television*, and a constant questioning of motives.
God has changed my perspective, and in light of His great love and sacrifice, I now find myself asking, "How can I serve God more? How can I bring Him more glory? What else can I give Him?" Not out of obligation, but out of gratitude.
I have laid all my life down, piece by piece. All my hopes and dreams (many which I still believe He will fulfill). And I pray each day as catch myself reclaiming bits and pieces and repent over and over. I want to say with the faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego: "If [I] am thrown into the blazing furnace, the God [I] serve is able to save[me].But even if He does not, [I] will not serve [other gods]."(Dan. 3:17-18)
*Please don't misunderstand this and think that I believe that television, in itself, leads to a life against God. I simply meant to convey that my attachment to television instead of God was sinful.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Entry 2: "Some one plaese save us"
The words to "College Kids" by Relient K ran through my head over and over again this weekend as I was constantly reminded of how desperate "us college kids" really are for direction. A typical conversation with my friends often leads to at least one dilemma we are facing at the present time. Sometimes, it's something as simple as what to eat for lunch, or whether to actually go to class(the right answer of course is "yes", just in case a mother or professor asks). And sometimes it's not so simple. Do I live at home, and save money? If I have a choice, do I get a job? What major should I pick? What school should I transfer to next?
This weekend, my dear friends and I were removed from our normal set of questions and introduced to something new, and to be honest, a little frightening. This weekend we took part in AZ Fuzion, which is a program that brings college students from all over AZ to help plant churches in Tucson. Now, right now, my parents are serving along side some dear family friends in a church plant in Peoria. So, I have some knowledge of what this might entail. And my home church is still sharing space, so I understand some of those frustrations. But this weekend, our challenge was not the activities we helped with at these young churches, but rather what thoughts came along with this.
We were challenged by the pastors and leaders to take what we learned this weekend and pray about planting a church at our college.... now! A crazy and completely impractical, totally illogical by almost any standard, and absolutely a God-inspired thing to challenge us with. Personally, I am no more inclined to start a church now than I was before I went to Tucson on Friday. However, I am totally encouraged that I can do what God has called me to. I believe beyond a doubt He has called me to something much greater than myself (the details of which are still fuzzy), and most of the time I am terrified. But this weekend, I met some college kids who planted a church! Four college students, one pastor, his wife and their two kids, in the middle of Tucson. They planted a church!
And then I am reminded. A young girl and her husband raised the God of the universe for a few years. I am reminded, a young man slayed a giant and became a war hero. I am reminded of so many young ones called by God to do His work. It only took Him six days to build the Earth, just think of how much He can do with me in a couple years.
My prayer for my dear college students is that we don't lose track of whatever God has revealed to us because of all the daily questions college raises, but we focus on what really matters. That we follow the path God has laid out for us with the thought always on our mind that God loves all the lost people around us, and His desire is to use us to reach them.
I often ask God why He chose us to do His work. He still hasn't answered that one yet, but I suspect it is for the same reason He sent His Son: He loves us, and He wants us to love Him. By allowing us to show His glory, we also show Him our love. This is His delight. If that idea doesn't humble you, you must not have the same picture of God that I do, because this revelation continuously brings me to my knees.
I feel often like the lowest person among people when I approach God about His call on my life. I see all my faults, and everyone else seems less hole-ly and a lot more holy. She has more experience, and he a better testimony. She has more money, and he more faith. They definitely know their Bible better, and the others have more love for the lost. Why me, my Lord? I am willing, honored, really, but why? Is not their a less faulty servant that you could use?
But God reminds me, in my weakness He is strong. In my failures, His success more easily shows itself. So again I surrender to the Most High God and pray that I do not fail Him.
And, now, we move forward, together, my friends and I, on our at once separate and united journeys toward Eternity. Desperately, we strive for more to join us, and so provide them with the Key that unlocked our chains. And we question new things? Does God want me to plant a church? Is God calling me to move in order to better serve Him? In what way can I be most effective for Christ while my when and where is now and here?
Again, I ask for your prayers. And I challenge you, if you haven't already, ask yourself these questions. You may be surprised by what you discover, about God and yourself. I certainly was.
Maranatha--
Missionary Hicks
This weekend, my dear friends and I were removed from our normal set of questions and introduced to something new, and to be honest, a little frightening. This weekend we took part in AZ Fuzion, which is a program that brings college students from all over AZ to help plant churches in Tucson. Now, right now, my parents are serving along side some dear family friends in a church plant in Peoria. So, I have some knowledge of what this might entail. And my home church is still sharing space, so I understand some of those frustrations. But this weekend, our challenge was not the activities we helped with at these young churches, but rather what thoughts came along with this.
We were challenged by the pastors and leaders to take what we learned this weekend and pray about planting a church at our college.... now! A crazy and completely impractical, totally illogical by almost any standard, and absolutely a God-inspired thing to challenge us with. Personally, I am no more inclined to start a church now than I was before I went to Tucson on Friday. However, I am totally encouraged that I can do what God has called me to. I believe beyond a doubt He has called me to something much greater than myself (the details of which are still fuzzy), and most of the time I am terrified. But this weekend, I met some college kids who planted a church! Four college students, one pastor, his wife and their two kids, in the middle of Tucson. They planted a church!
And then I am reminded. A young girl and her husband raised the God of the universe for a few years. I am reminded, a young man slayed a giant and became a war hero. I am reminded of so many young ones called by God to do His work. It only took Him six days to build the Earth, just think of how much He can do with me in a couple years.
My prayer for my dear college students is that we don't lose track of whatever God has revealed to us because of all the daily questions college raises, but we focus on what really matters. That we follow the path God has laid out for us with the thought always on our mind that God loves all the lost people around us, and His desire is to use us to reach them.
I often ask God why He chose us to do His work. He still hasn't answered that one yet, but I suspect it is for the same reason He sent His Son: He loves us, and He wants us to love Him. By allowing us to show His glory, we also show Him our love. This is His delight. If that idea doesn't humble you, you must not have the same picture of God that I do, because this revelation continuously brings me to my knees.
I feel often like the lowest person among people when I approach God about His call on my life. I see all my faults, and everyone else seems less hole-ly and a lot more holy. She has more experience, and he a better testimony. She has more money, and he more faith. They definitely know their Bible better, and the others have more love for the lost. Why me, my Lord? I am willing, honored, really, but why? Is not their a less faulty servant that you could use?
But God reminds me, in my weakness He is strong. In my failures, His success more easily shows itself. So again I surrender to the Most High God and pray that I do not fail Him.
And, now, we move forward, together, my friends and I, on our at once separate and united journeys toward Eternity. Desperately, we strive for more to join us, and so provide them with the Key that unlocked our chains. And we question new things? Does God want me to plant a church? Is God calling me to move in order to better serve Him? In what way can I be most effective for Christ while my when and where is now and here?
Again, I ask for your prayers. And I challenge you, if you haven't already, ask yourself these questions. You may be surprised by what you discover, about God and yourself. I certainly was.
Maranatha--
Missionary Hicks
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Life as a college student: Entry 1
Ok, so for those who don't know, on top of my involvement in Children's Ministry at church, and my job, and classes, I also am very involved in a ministry on campus at my school. I sing on the worship team, and am generally an extra pair of hands when they need me. And if you are sitting around wondering, "Hmm, What should I pray about?" I have the answer.
Pray for us. As you probably know, college can be a very difficult time. So far, I can see how it could be "the best time of my life", but it is definitely a very difficult time also. Most of the leaders in my group not only are full time students, but honor students. Many of us work, some more than part time. All of us are involved in our churches, and all of us have family obligations, whether or not we live at home. On top of this we are bombarded daily with messages that directly contradict the Word of God, and sometimes required to regurgitate such lies in order to pass our classes. We are faced with a very hard balance: How do you love the students on campus and show them that you are not judging them, and at the same time live a life pleasing to God?
And while all this is going on, we are faced with one big question that kind of looms over our heads all day, every day: What do I do next? We want to go and do and be something greater, and we just don't know where it starts.
Thankfully, God has blessed me and my friends with each other, and His presence among us on an almost daily basis. I am so thankful, that I am overflowing. This group has impacted my life in a way no others have. They have been a constant encouragement and a spout from which God has poured His love on me.
And right now, we are facing struggles. Like the Thessalonians, we have had a great season of Joy and Growth, but it seems to be time now for pain and testing. Our group leader is struggling with some things, and setting a great example to us, but still is a very broken servant of God. Our worship leader is going through some tough stuff and is struggling with insecurity. Many of us seem to have schedules and commitments that overwhelm us. It seemed that this week it was all coming to a head, and I feared we might fall apart. But God is in control.
Today, we surrendered ourselves to God, and He moved among us in a powerful way. I hope He breaks us all just a little bit more.
Today a young man who is pretty new to our group shared on a passage that has meant so much to me: 1 Timothy 4:12.
Generally, when doing in depth studies, I shy away from the common favorites, just in an attempt to learn something new, but this verse has shown up everywhere, by God's grace, and He has used it to break me and build me up again, and again, and again. So I praise God that He used it again today to touch so many of my beloved friends(and me as well).
"Do not let any one look down on you because you are young" I am the youngest member of the Children's Ministry Leadership Team at my church. God has used this passage to teach me that He has called me, and equipped me to do a work in His name. So no matter what my age, I need to follow through and obey Him. This is not easy when you know that everyone you work with is older (and seemingly more experienced). But do not be fooled by thinking that this means that you will not receive godly rebuke. Certainly, there are things for which people rightly "look down on you", but youth is not one of them.
"but set an example for believers" See, this is the hard part. As a leader, and a woman called to ministry, it is my duty to set an example. Of what? Of Christ. I bare His name, and now, as I often tell my dear Serene, I must live up to the name I have been given. How?
"in speech" The book of James gives us enough on speech to last forever, and I recently went through a study with the women at our church on this. This is tough stuff. I have recently been called out on my grumbling. It is a continuous battle.
"in life" Well, can you be more general? In life? I'm sure Timothy thought, 'Really Paul, could you help a brother out here?' But think about this, Paul reminds us that "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Gal 2:20-21 NIV) To set an example in life is to be completely dependent on God spiritually, and completely aware of your physical dependence on Him. We are all, literally, desperate for God. We need Him to ordain every beat of our hearts.
"in love" The Bible says over and over that love is so incredibly important. In fact Paul says nothing else matters without it. Yet, I see this struggle to love in myself and others. It is so hard for our flesh. Which is why we must, MUST live by the power of God. Because "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (1 John 4:10 NIV) So now, we can be called the sons and daughters of God. Why? To love. Wow.
"in faith" This one cut me to the quick today. God has kind of worked on my life in the order of this verse since He called me to ministry. Se often revisit the areas I have already learn to polish me up, but we are moving on. Today, He reminded me that I have been learning about faith. I have tested God, and asked Him to prove Himself. I thought I now knew better and could trust Him completely, today, He revealed my heart to me, and it hurt to learn how I have doubted my Lord. The One who provided so much so recently. I cannot let go and trust Him. But that is what He calls us to do, especially leaders, but all of us. In Matthew 17:20, we learn the power of faith, and God has given it freely, so we need only to use it.
"and in purity." Of this I am certain, complete and utter purity is impossible for any sinner, and we are all sinners. In fact, I would love to challenge Paul for the title of chief sometimes. However, I work with God for this purity because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And He would not call me to something He didn't wish me to accomplish. And so, I know He who began this work in me will complete it.
This is the life I have been called to live, and so I am living it to the best of my ability. As are my friends. We live among and corrupt and depraved generation, in which we hope to shine like stars. So pray with us and for us.
Pray for us. As you probably know, college can be a very difficult time. So far, I can see how it could be "the best time of my life", but it is definitely a very difficult time also. Most of the leaders in my group not only are full time students, but honor students. Many of us work, some more than part time. All of us are involved in our churches, and all of us have family obligations, whether or not we live at home. On top of this we are bombarded daily with messages that directly contradict the Word of God, and sometimes required to regurgitate such lies in order to pass our classes. We are faced with a very hard balance: How do you love the students on campus and show them that you are not judging them, and at the same time live a life pleasing to God?
And while all this is going on, we are faced with one big question that kind of looms over our heads all day, every day: What do I do next? We want to go and do and be something greater, and we just don't know where it starts.
Thankfully, God has blessed me and my friends with each other, and His presence among us on an almost daily basis. I am so thankful, that I am overflowing. This group has impacted my life in a way no others have. They have been a constant encouragement and a spout from which God has poured His love on me.
And right now, we are facing struggles. Like the Thessalonians, we have had a great season of Joy and Growth, but it seems to be time now for pain and testing. Our group leader is struggling with some things, and setting a great example to us, but still is a very broken servant of God. Our worship leader is going through some tough stuff and is struggling with insecurity. Many of us seem to have schedules and commitments that overwhelm us. It seemed that this week it was all coming to a head, and I feared we might fall apart. But God is in control.
Today, we surrendered ourselves to God, and He moved among us in a powerful way. I hope He breaks us all just a little bit more.
Today a young man who is pretty new to our group shared on a passage that has meant so much to me: 1 Timothy 4:12.
Generally, when doing in depth studies, I shy away from the common favorites, just in an attempt to learn something new, but this verse has shown up everywhere, by God's grace, and He has used it to break me and build me up again, and again, and again. So I praise God that He used it again today to touch so many of my beloved friends(and me as well).
"Do not let any one look down on you because you are young" I am the youngest member of the Children's Ministry Leadership Team at my church. God has used this passage to teach me that He has called me, and equipped me to do a work in His name. So no matter what my age, I need to follow through and obey Him. This is not easy when you know that everyone you work with is older (and seemingly more experienced). But do not be fooled by thinking that this means that you will not receive godly rebuke. Certainly, there are things for which people rightly "look down on you", but youth is not one of them.
"but set an example for believers" See, this is the hard part. As a leader, and a woman called to ministry, it is my duty to set an example. Of what? Of Christ. I bare His name, and now, as I often tell my dear Serene, I must live up to the name I have been given. How?
"in speech" The book of James gives us enough on speech to last forever, and I recently went through a study with the women at our church on this. This is tough stuff. I have recently been called out on my grumbling. It is a continuous battle.
"in life" Well, can you be more general? In life? I'm sure Timothy thought, 'Really Paul, could you help a brother out here?' But think about this, Paul reminds us that "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Gal 2:20-21 NIV) To set an example in life is to be completely dependent on God spiritually, and completely aware of your physical dependence on Him. We are all, literally, desperate for God. We need Him to ordain every beat of our hearts.
"in love" The Bible says over and over that love is so incredibly important. In fact Paul says nothing else matters without it. Yet, I see this struggle to love in myself and others. It is so hard for our flesh. Which is why we must, MUST live by the power of God. Because "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (1 John 4:10 NIV) So now, we can be called the sons and daughters of God. Why? To love. Wow.
"in faith" This one cut me to the quick today. God has kind of worked on my life in the order of this verse since He called me to ministry. Se often revisit the areas I have already learn to polish me up, but we are moving on. Today, He reminded me that I have been learning about faith. I have tested God, and asked Him to prove Himself. I thought I now knew better and could trust Him completely, today, He revealed my heart to me, and it hurt to learn how I have doubted my Lord. The One who provided so much so recently. I cannot let go and trust Him. But that is what He calls us to do, especially leaders, but all of us. In Matthew 17:20, we learn the power of faith, and God has given it freely, so we need only to use it.
"and in purity." Of this I am certain, complete and utter purity is impossible for any sinner, and we are all sinners. In fact, I would love to challenge Paul for the title of chief sometimes. However, I work with God for this purity because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And He would not call me to something He didn't wish me to accomplish. And so, I know He who began this work in me will complete it.
This is the life I have been called to live, and so I am living it to the best of my ability. As are my friends. We live among and corrupt and depraved generation, in which we hope to shine like stars. So pray with us and for us.
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