Set Apart

Ok, so I've been thinking and pondering about what I should include in this blog. I hope you all can understand my ramblings; lately, I have started to feel that sometimes, when I talk, I come across like a cross between an extremist and a lunatic. And, perhaps, I am somewhere in between normal and crazy, but I promise, there is some validity and logic behind my speech... most of the time.
My last two posts have been about my college group, and let me just say thank you for all who have been praying. We, also, have had regular prayer meetings, which have lent great encouragement and growth to this young body of believers. Please continue to pray for us as we seek individual and communal direction.
Over my last two years in this adventure known as college life, I have been consistently forced to examine myself. I examine my attitude, relationships, lifestyle, diet, homework habits, everything constantly and for various reasons and with various scrutiny. Lately, God has been gently pushing me to look deeper.
It started, I'm pretty sure, when I finally sent in my application for Bible College. I had still been thinking, "God, I know you have called me to ministry, and I can't wait to learn more at school next year so I can finally answer that call."
God stopped me. And very lovingly, He inspired me to remember what I already knew about the life of a Christian: No matter where we are "called" in the future, ministry begins where we are. Here and now. So I prayed a dangerous prayer: "Lord," I said, in fear, but full of faith, "show Yourself to me, and use me in my here and now. Please do whatever you need to do to me to make me the woman you have called me to be. I am not worthy of this calling, but I know you can work beyond my weakness. I am your servant."
I caution you, if you are thinking about praying a prayer such as this, you will never regret it, but it will change your life.
God answered this prayer.
For a while, God had been challenging me to let go of this world and the things that have attached me to it. I had felt a conviction to give up something many of us worship: my TV time.*
It started when He began to gently call me to His side. When we did speak, the conversation went a little like this.
"Rachael,"(yes, when I pray, I know God calls me by name, and no, it's not audible) "Rachael, why don't you stay with Me a little longer. I have so much more to show you about Myself and where you need to be as My child."
"But God," (I'm sure you can hear the inner 7-year old as I whine to my Heavenly Father) "I've already spent hours at school, and at work, and doing homework, and working on ministry, and spending time encouraging Your children. All of these things You have asked of me. All of them, I have done for You."
And sometimes, God was quiet, allowing me to think, in my own ignorance, that I had somehow fulfilled an obligation by my service. And that this somehow meant that I could spend my time how I wished as long as I was upholding my commitments.
However, recently, I was reminded of a great truth. God cannot be repaid. No matter what I do, I can never fulfill any obligation or debt I owe Him. He paid my debt in full, and I accepted His life in exchange for my own.
The problem is, I have been trying to live my life as if it was my own. God had so much for me that I had been missing because I chose to do some things on my own.
Upon the realization of this fact, I claimed a new, set-apart life. And I have become more aware that my life, my time and my energy are not my own. "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. This life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself up for me." (Gal. 2:20 NIV)
Through a sometimes painful process, God has begun to shape me into a woman He can use. This has been battle between flesh and spirit, and often, I allow flesh to win. This has meant a lot of changes for me, the least of which is a indefinite fast from my television*, and a constant questioning of motives.
God has changed my perspective, and in light of His great love and sacrifice, I now find myself asking, "How can I serve God more? How can I bring Him more glory? What else can I give Him?" Not out of obligation, but out of gratitude.
I have laid all my life down, piece by piece. All my hopes and dreams (many which I still believe He will fulfill). And I pray each day as catch myself reclaiming bits and pieces and repent over and over. I want to say with the faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego: "If [I] am thrown into the blazing furnace, the God [I] serve is able to save[me].But even if He does not, [I] will not serve [other gods]."(Dan. 3:17-18)

*Please don't misunderstand this and think that I believe that television, in itself, leads to a life against God. I simply meant to convey that my attachment to television instead of God was sinful.