Life outside the Bible College bubble

It's been quite awhile since my last post. And I must admit that is mostly because I've had a bad attitude. I was doing some traveling, and I did get sick a couple times. But mostly I've been avoiding the whole self-reflection/seeking God/revealing my heart to others thing. Not to say that I have fallen into some deep pit of sin and depression, but just that I have felt pretty blah and didn't feel like sharing my blah-ness with those who read this regularly.

I am going to admit that I had some plans for coming home from Peru and jumping right back into my old life, but that didn't happen. My old life is gone. Logically, I knew this would be the case, but I somehow hoped I was different than everybody else. Not so, Rachael, not so. You too have a new life full of uncertainties and challenges. And I am finding that I have just as many here as I had there.

I came expecting to get a job... I had no idea that my job would be as an unpaid family chauffeur since my parents, younger sister and I share two cars and have crazy schedules.

I came expecting to help my brother and sister-in-law take care of the two cutest kids known to man... I had no idea that after just one month of being home they would move to California.

I came expecting to jump back into all my ministries and Bible studies and social engagements... I had no idea how difficult that would be without a car and a cell phone, especially living half an hour from where I lived before.

My life is not the same as I expected... my dad says, "Welcome to adulthood." And I guess he's right. I'm 21. I'm a senior in college. I have responsibilities. I have challenges. But I have Jesus, too. And I am not giving up.

I my not have known what I would encounter as I landed in PHX on that 747 and walked down the familiar carpet to where I would be reunited with my family. But God knew. He knew that I would struggle with the unknown and eventually find comfort in His arms. He knew I would stubbornly refuse to accept any reality I had not planned until it was just too hard to keep going. He knew that I would find true joy in driving my sister to school, and in serving two days a week at my church. He knew I would need only the couple friends I could still reach, even though I still want 100. He knew that a piece of my heart would leave as I kissed my niece and nephew goodbye and hugged my sister-in-law tight. He knew all this.

I have come to believe that most of my expectations are silly, and pointless, but God allows me to have them. He uses them to get me to move in the direction He calls me. Then, He allows me to be humbled by them when I am disappointed. And just when I think I can take no more disappointment, He steps in with beautiful surprises and proves His glorious faithfulness once again.

Welcome to my life. This is it. A series of expectations, disappointments and surprises. It's not easy, and sometimes not pretty, but always worth it. Because no matter how many times I let myself down, my God never fails.