Canta me encanta.

I returned yesterday from a short retreat with the other girls to a city called Canta. It is a beautiful mountain town full of sheep and grass. But, most importantly, it was a quiet place to relax and meet God. I roomed with Lauren, a beautiful girl who loves Jesus who I am enjoying getting to know better this semester. Our dean of women, Ivy taught on the book of Ruth about the character of Ruth and Boaz. We learned from their example what God wants in men and women who are seeking a relationship.
This is a topic that I think gets overlooked a lot in our churches. It is often hard to address ideas of dating or courting or marriage. There are not explicit answers to all our questions, and so, we often end up with broken hearts and soiled reputations, if not physical consequences, when we err in relationship decisions. So, my blog is taking a week away from life in Peru to focus on this topic that my heart has been struggling through.
I personally have very high standards,. Many have teased, and even ridiculed me for many of these standards, including the way I dress, or the fact that I refused to date a boy in high school because he didn't share my faith, or the fact that I am 21 and have never been kissed, but I don't regreat them at all, and I believe that any young woman (or man) of God who put them into practice would have nothing to regret from them. I based them off things I have learned from godly women in my life as well as my own dives into God's Word after mistakes i have made. I wanted to share the basic principles with my blog-buddies, since I know many young girls who are seeking to set up their own set of standards for a love life. Many of these are also relevant for other areas of our lives.
1. The First Priority: First of all, we are told to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. We are told to love and honor Him first in our lives. This is easy to say and hard to do. Before we can be ready for any new romantic relationship we must learn to love the Author of Romance. Anything that is in our life that does not allow or help us love God more cannot stay if we wish to become more like Him. That can include that cute boy who sits next to us in chemistry, or that romantic movie starring a super hot hottie. Or sometimes friends who influence us to make bad choices about relationships. So, if you are uncertain about whether you should get rid of something in your life ask: Is this keeping me from God? Is this more important to me than He is? Would I be unwilling to give this up if God asked me to? If you answer yes, pray that God would help you replace that with something pleasing to Him.
2. The Sacrifice Principle: We are called to present our bodies as living sacrifices. In Romans, Paul tells us that if we are not allowing our bodies to be used by God as instruments of good, than we are allowing them to be used as instruments of evil. This effects your whole life. When you are flirting with a boy, is your body being used as an instrument of good, or evil? When you get dressed in the morning, is your body being used as an instrument of good, or evil? When you are out on a date, and he touches you for the first time, is your body being used as an instrument of good, or evil? I know it's a tough thing to hear, and it's even tougher to answer those questions, but since putting this principle in place, I have felt much more confident about what behavior is acceptable between me and the opposite sex. Anything that does not lead them closer to God is an instrument of evil.
3. The Skin Problem: ok, so this is just a personal standard that I have adopted taught to me at a True Love Waits class by a woman who at the time was engaged. Her now-husband at the time had told her how to dress in such a way that he would be less tempted to think lustfully towards her. The rule is simple. Don't let any skin show that you wouldn't want a guy to touch. And not just your boyfriend, or your brother, or your best friend who is a guy, but how about your teacher, or your youth pastor, or your friend's dad. If he helped you out of the car, it would be ok if he touched your arm, or your hand. If you were playing softball, it wouldn't be awkward if he touched your calves. But it would be pretty awkward if it was your upper thigh, or that part of you chest that is exposed in a low V-neck. This is not a perfect standard, but a general guide line. I find it very helpful, but it is in no way a hard and fast rule. The idea is simply, if they do see it, they will want to touch it.
4. Thought Life: When I was younger, I heard some Christians talking about their thought life. I was really confused. I didn't understand what a thought life was. I now know it is simply what we allow our thoughts to dwell on. We can't always stop a random thought from finding it's way into our head, but we can decide to dwell on good things. Jesus shocked the Jews when He told them that lustful thoughts were sin, but it's the truth. We are not to think sexual thoughts about anyone who we are not married to. That's biblical. And like the old saying goes, If you have to ask, don't do it. If you think your thoughts might be inappropriate, they probably are. I can't tell you how important this is. i have had struggles with this, and still have times when I remind myself that that man is not my husband. The truth is we can make this easier or harder on ourselves by the movies and TV we watch, the books and magazines we read, and the people we hang out with. If we are constantly presented with sexual images, they will be hard to get out of our heads.
5. Arm Length Relationships: When God looks at your life, He already sees the person He has for you. He will not be surprised on the day you get engaged. But until the day when you are finally joined with the person God has for you, I would strongly suggest that you keep in mind that in God's eyes you already belong to that person, even if you don't know them yet. Also, every attractive person you meet already belongs to their future mate as well. I would suggest that you treat anyone you are interested in as someone else's future spouse, until the day you are married. This is important when it comes to romantic relationships, but also friendships. You should not have a friendship that is too intimate with a member of the opposite sex because the chances are one day one of you will get married, and the relationship may have to end, or may cause jealousy if you have not been careful. Also, emotions often come by accident, and you do not want to become too emotionally attached to anyone other than your mate.
6. The Ladder Principle: My mom always told me this, and it never really meant anything until I got dumped by my ex-boyfriend. Relationships are like ladders that you can only climb up. You can't go back down. Once you have shared a kiss, or a hug, or a secret, you can't get it back. And once you go to first base, the next logical step is second. Every time you give something away, it is harder to be satisfied by the previous. I don't think I really want you to have to understand, but trust me when I say, be careful to save as much as you can for the person you will marry so that you can be completely elated by every first that you share.
7. Remove the Hint: We are asked to remove any hint of sexual immorality. We don't want to give Satan anything to hold against us, and we don't want any little temptation to sneak in without notice. I know I already touched on this, but I think it is important enough to reiterate. If it is questionable, it's ok to ask someone you trust, but usually it is best to just get rid of it. You don't want to cause other Christians to sin, or non-believers to question your faith. Any sin is forgivable, so start fresh today. A clean testimony can move mountains.
8. Pray First: Before you think about going out with anyone, pray. Be certain God is in the middle of every decision you make. Base your relationship on a shared faith and certainty in the direction of your life together. Ask those who you know will give you godly counsel. Refuse to be set up by pushy sisters or well meaning friends. Remember that as Christians we make up the Bride of Christ. So, we will be married to Him, and He is a Man worth waiting for, even if we never get an earthly wedding ceremony. Stay pure.
I hope this blesses you. Please know that this is not the hard and fast method to a happy life, but simply part of my knowledge that I pass on to you. Some books I suggest are the Every Man's Battle series (Every Young Woman's Battle was one I read in high school), and When God Writes Your Love Story. I have read parts of others, and I have heard of even more that I am sure are excellent.