On being an adult.

I am now 22 years old. I feel as if this is a significant marker. Maybe I should have felt this way at 21, or 18. But I didn't. I suddenly find myself looking at my immediate future with a practical eye. Before, I often took on the far away future with plans and dreams. But now I realize, maybe because of maturity, or simply because my life has faced one change after another for the last two years, that I must make responsible adult decisions in order to be a responsible adult.

My family is going through a time of change right now, and that means my life is changing too, but I am reminded in such times how constant my God is.

The other day, I picked up my Bible and was going to turn to Romans, where I have been studying, but then decided to seek comfort in the book of Psalms. I read Psalm 86, not for the first time, but with new eyes. David's prayer became my own, as I imagined my spiritual battle, and remembered the attributes of God.

"(1) A Prayer of David. Incline Your ear, O LORD, and answer me; For I am afflicted and needy. (2) Preserve my soul, for I am a godly man; O You my God, save Your servant who trusts in You. (3) Be gracious to me, O Lord, For to You I cry all day long. (4) Make glad the soul of Your servant, For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. (5) For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. (6) Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer; And give heed to the voice of my supplications! (7) In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You, For You will answer me. (8) There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord, Nor are there any works like Yours. (9) All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before You, O Lord, And they shall glorify Your name. (10) For You are great and do wondrous deeds; You alone are God. (11) Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name. (12) I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, And will glorify Your name forever. (13) For Your lovingkindness toward me is great, And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol. (14) O God, arrogant men have risen up against me, And a band of violent men have sought my life, And they have not set You before them. (15) But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth. (16) Turn to me, and be gracious to me; Oh grant Your strength to Your servant, And save the son of Your handmaid. (17) Show me a sign for good, That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed, Because You, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me." - Psa 86:1-17 NASB

How amazing God is! And how quickly I forget. I was so stressed and confused about my situation, but this psalm brought me peace. It helped me remember that my plans are safe in the hands of the Lord, and that if my decision is to follow Him I cannot fail. I asked for "a sign for good" and He gave it to me. Now, I am moving in a new direction with my life, God as my guide. He has always come through for me, and I am choosing to trust in Him as I take each step in faith.

Lovely: Defined

So, I have so many things in my brain right now. Hopefully I can sort through them and share more in the months ahead. But right now I find that God is teaching me so much in one area of my life and I want to share that with you, my friends.

I was very excited when my friend Teddy told me about how the high school girls were studying the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians. Each girl was given a fruit to study. They looked up the word in the dictionary and then in their Bibles. They were also given the challenge of applying what God had taught them about the word and then sharing it with all the youth group girls. Each week for the past few months, a different girl has shared after church on Sunday.

KC, who leads the 7th grade girls' small group thought those girls and my 8th-graders should join the fun. I agreed. So we decided to pick some words for them to study. Our words came from Philippians chapter 4.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." - (Phl 4:8 NASB)

Their words are: true, honorable, right, etc. We even picked some synonyms that are used in other translations. I have challenged my girls to find out what God has to say about their words for months now, almost forgetting that I chose a word of my own: lovely.

According to this verse, I should be dwelling on lovely things. I haven't ever really thought about what the word lovely means before, but I can tell you that I don't often dwell on lovely things as I should. Feeling convicted, but also ready to be done with my less than lovely thoughts and to live in the fullness of what God has for me, I started a journey this week to discover loveliness...

As I began my Sunday drive to church, I tried to think of my own definition of lovely. I think God's creation is lovely. I think that what God has done for me is lovely, saving me, blessing me with family and friends, protecting me from heart ache I have seen others experience, bringing me through tough times of my own. That is lovely. I also think that I know some very lovely people: my niece, my parents, my sisters, my friends from Bible College, the wives of my pastors. Lovely, inside and out.

I was not wrong in my assessment of the loveliness in my life. But I realized when I looked deeper that I had missed a lot. Webster defines lovely as "delightful for beauty, harmony, or grace". I like that. I am to think on things that God would define as "delightful for beauty, harmony or grace."

This led me back to Scripture. I have a long list of things that God sees as lovely. Things He delights in. I want to delight in these things and dwell on them. Here are just of few of those things:

God’s dwelling places (Ps 84:1); His name (Ps 135:3); The feet of him who brings good news (Is 52:7); The Son of Man (Ez 33:32); Wisdom’s crown (Pr 4:8-9); Timely advice (Prov25:11); Songs of thanksgiving (Is 51:3); Gifts God gives His people (Ez 16:11,12,16); Sacrifice (Ez 16:19); Music (Amos 5:23).

God sees me as lovely, also. I know this because He calls many of His servants lovely, and the Bible refers to many women as lovely. God even refers to His people as outwardly lovely while they are in sin. However, there is a contrast between that loveliness and the loveliness that delights Him.

The Bible talks plainly about this issue in the book of Proverbs. A lovely home is pointless if the mistress is contentious (Pr 21:9; 25:24), and a lovely woman who lacks indiscretion is like a ring of gold in a pig’s snout (Pr 11:22)… I don’t want that. I don't want to be contentious or indiscreet. I want to be lovely in all ways. And that starts by thinking on lovely things.

My challenge (I know it's been awhile since I challenge my blog readers or myself), this week my challenge is to find something lovely to dwell on. When your thoughts begin to stray into less than lovely areas, seek out the loveliness of God and allow His Spirit to transform your mind into one that delights the Lord because it is full of beauty, harmony with God, and His grace.

2010: It was fun, but I wouldn't do it again.

So, I failed the blogging thing. At least for awhile. I am not going to set goals, or try to make up for it... I am just going to update when I feel like it. With that said, let the blogging commence.

It's New Year's Eve, and I can hardly believe it. My sister and I were just trying to remember what we did on this day last year. Fail. We can't remember... but that's ok because today isn't about remembering last year's party, but about remembering the great things of 2010, good and bad, and looking forward to next year.

2010 was a crazy year for me. Half of it was spent in Peru... There I did many things I never imagined I would. I swam in the Amazon. I went sandboarding. I worked as a translator. It was crazy.

The other half was spent here, and "ordinary life" has been rather surreal. I have been doing other things I never imagined. I took Bible College classes online. I have helped in the youth group as a small group leader, and in the church office as a volunteer. I learn something new each week.

This year I have learned a lot.

I have learned what it means to be part of a family.

I have learned to let go of my dreams, and hold on to my faith.

I have learned to cook some, and that I am never going to be a chef.

I have learned to let my guard down, and to guard my heart.

I have learned that love comes in many forms, but the love of God surpasses any of them.

I have learned that joy is a choice, and must be chosen daily.

I have learned to make a bed perfectly, and the value of submission and humility over proper cleaning technique.

I have learned that I am more full of weakness than I thought possible, and more full of possibility than I could have dreamed.

I have learned that I can live in God's presence, and that my failure doesn't offend Him only sadden Him.

This year I have wept and laughed, made new friends and reconnected with old ones.

I gained family in a place far from home, and learned to be at home wherever my family is.

It was one of the hardest years of my life, but I thank God for His grace that brought me through.

Next year, I have one goal, to know God and love Him more.

That, and get a job... that is my current goal.

If I learn even a fraction as much as I did this year, it will be a good year.